Degradation and Objectification

Degradation and objectification is most certainly not high on everyone's list and I can fully understand why.  Seriously why would anyone on earth possibly enjoy being reduce in quality, value, treated as someone lower and not someone equal. Or to be treated as purely a sex toy or being reduced to a  helpless slave, being forced to obey every desire or demand. Allowing your partner to talk about you as if you were not present to other people and  allowing them to use you as a tool to use for achieving sexual gratification. Who would want this you might ask.

Interestingly enough, I DO! I want to and like being degraded enough that is is something I fantasize about often. I can not help but smile as I write this because by sharing I most certainly feel a sense of embarrassment for admitting such desires and yet I feel myself getting wet from exposing myself to the virtual world that I enjoy being called a bitch, slut, worthless, useless, disposable cunt. Here I sit exposing my wants for anyone to read. When it comes to degradation I have to say humiliations goes with it hand in hand. You can feel humiliation without feeling degraded, but being degraded always leads to feeling humility to some degree.

Once again this is definitely not for everyone. Yet it turns me on completely, the key to enjoying this I feel is having a deep understanding that names do not define me as a whole, they only define the experience. Knowing I can walk away from doing this as a confident worthwhile person that has a lot to offer. I feel you really need to have a strong self esteem to participate in this form of play.

Open Marriage and submission

I  grew up nurturing the fantasies of a white wedding, a home with a white picket fence and the happily ever after of fairy tales. I feel we are programmed from birth to want these things as well as fidelity. We are also told that jealousy, total devotion and ownership prove love. I am not buying into that anymore. I have a really un-natural obsession with wanting my husband to be with other women. I for one reason or the other get instantly wet of the thought of this. I love if i find condemns in his wallet, finding gift recipes, movie tickets etc. from places I know we have not been to together. Just him coming home with another females scent on him drives me wild and makes me want him that much more. I am tormented by thoughts of wanting it so bad but then at the same time becoming jealous or upset and having him do it anyways. It is weird what those dark twisted evil emotions can do to a person and knowing I am powerless to stop it is even hotter. I get the sense that he is in complete control and to me it makes me happy. Sure it is easy for people who don't get it to say there is something wrong with my particular mindset. A lot of people might say poor girl she is a doormat or struggles with low self-esteem.  I can assure you that I am neither. I have my own personality and strong opinions and it takes an awful lot of self esteem to be able to live this lifestyle. I enjoy making my master and hubby happy. I honestly like him in charge cause I am fully aware of the fact that I suffer from having NO IMPLUSE CONTROL, I will do whatever the mood strikes me at the time wether is is a good or bad decision.  You might not understand this but it makes me incredibly happy.

Introduction

Beginning this blog is a HUGE step for me. I have always been one to have trouble opening up sexually about who I am cause so many of my thoughts would be considered abnormal by typical society.  This is just an insecurity I have. I am hoping by opening up and learning about others perhaps with the same frame of mind that I will not feel so alone in my thoughts, wants, and desires.

OK where to begin: Well,  I have been married for the past 10 years but with him now for 20 years total. He is fully aware of how my twisted mind works cause I do not hid anything from him. I try to be a supportive wife, I want my husband to fulfill his dreams and do whatever makes him happy. Because if he is happy then I am happy in theory anyways. It is not always easy and there have been plenty of times when we were not completely sure if it was going to last. We have worked hard at it and so far have been very lucky. I have realized that to stay together we have to change together and that does not always mean going in the same direction or having the same interests. Always staying honest and keeping the communication open helps a lot. The fact of the matter is in my opinion everyone should be able to design their relationship according to what works for those involved. So if you read anything you might disagree with please keep in mind this is what works for us.

A bit about me and stuff I will be writing about in the near future: I have a love for certain aspects of BDSM, Swinging, an open marriage, Complete Vampire fetish.  

Some of the things I enjoy are:

Spankings with crops, floggers, paddles, Being bitten "YUM"  Blindfolds, Body Modification "tattoos" Bondage, gags, verbal humiliation, including others, light to moderate pain, serving sexual, domestic slavery or what have you. Sex toys, being submissive. The list goes on I will be writing full blogs about most of these things and others as I go.